Long before we ever started this website, we had several odd jobs. Caterer; telemarketeer; perfume spritzer at Macy's. You
name it, we did it. But the first
job we had was as a talent agent.
Yes, we were "the" talent agent in the joke and it's about time that we cleared up a lot of misconceptions. First of all, there was no grandma. That's patently absurd and
clearly added just for purient shock value.
Here's how it actually happened. We were sitting in our office on a very hot, muggy New York summer's day. The flies were everywhere. A hundred acts had performed before us without any
surprises. In walked a very prim and proper family of four with a dog and some guy in a cheap searsucker suit, who walked right over to us and said as he sat down, "Have you got five minutes?"
We didn't, but the family looked so impossibly pious that we thought we were looking at a Disney film, so we thought, what the hell?
The father was dressed in a smart pin-striped suit with his hair slicked back; his wife an
almost perfect reproduction of Julie Andrews in her Marry Poppins costume. They had a handsome son of about fifteen wearing a sailor's outfit and a beautiful younger daughter who would have made Lolita blush. They looked like an oil painting from the 1930's.
We turned to the guy seated next to us and said, "This had better be worth it."
He said, "Oh, it is," and he hit the play button on a small cassette player he had with him. Familiar carnival music filled the room as the father stepped forward, deftly pulling off his
breakaway suit in time to the music to reveal that he was wearing nothing but a crotchless diaper, obviously soiled from previous use. Stemming from the crotch was the most massive hard on we'd ever seen.
It was a tree trunk, aching upward with what could only have been a huge glob of
pre-cum glistening on the tip.
Yuta da da dada, yuta da da dada
And as soon as he had taken off his clothes to reveal his masive moistened cock, he pulled out a fold up chair and placed it right in front of us; seating himself
so that his massive erection took center stage. As if on cue, the daughter stepped forward and pulled off her clothes to reveal the same kind of soiled crotchless
diaper and nothing else on her perky, pre-pubescent body. She ran to the other end of the office
and waited for the right beat to come tumbling ass over tits across the room, her glistening pussy capturing the lights with every turn.
Over and over she tumbled--like an impossible, naked Mary Lou Retton; like a steroid fueled Nadia Comaneci--until leaping upwards, twisting and flipping expertly through the air as she landed like a lawn dart on her father's
rock hard cock. SCHLUMP!
And down she went; her father's cock slamming effortlessly into her pre-teen cunt. So perfectly seated was she on her father's cock, that he leaned back in the chair and started twirling his daughter faster and faster, around and around
oh his prick; like a whirlybird she
spun around; like a top; like a dredel, it was so impressive.
Then the son ran to the other end of the office, yanked off his clothes to reveal he was buck naked. He took up position and waited for the beat to begin his acrobatic routine
and
yuta da da dada, yuta da da dada
he started flipping cock over balls again and again and again, finally leaping into the air in a series of twists and turns to make a cliffdiver
jealous, matching his sister's twirl perfectly to land cock down into her mouth as she steadied his hips. Down deep into her throat he thrust--his balls slapping her forehead--as his strong hands stabilized his body on her thighs, while their father continued to spin the two of them
around and around and around on his angry prick. Like a naked helicopter, the son's prone body was supported almost exclusively by his sister's ever tightening throat; spinning around and around and around with his ass hanging out and legs straight.
Taking up the beat, the wife stepped forward like a Vegas showgirl, expertly pulling off her Elizabethan clothes to reveal the most spectacular pair of tits you have ever seen and a leather strap-on dildo a third
the size of her husband's cock. In her left hand she was expertly masturbating the dog; his pink little puppy cock raging with heat. In her right hand she held her huge tit and began to milk it as she strutted back and
forth in front of her husband still maddly twirling their son and daugher in an insane orgy of cockgagging and cuntfucking, the likes of which you've only heard about from syphlitic sailors and
disease infested whores. Without missing a beat, the mother gathered up her lactating milk all down her taught stomach and used it to generously lubricate her strap on dildo as she slid underneath her husband's fold away chair. In one
sublte move, she plunged her dildo deep into the dog's crusty little shithole as she thrust the dog's angry little penis up from below into her husband's ass. This, of course, caused her husband to jerk wildly with the most powerful orgasm we'd yet seen, overflowing his daughter's pussy like a fire hose, causing her to convulse with climax like an epileptic. So intense was her
orgasm, that she started to swallow her brother's deeply imdedded cock even harder, triggering in him an earth shattering orgasm that had his cum spewing out of her gagged throat like a fountain. His orgasm was so intense that he lost all bodily control and began to projectile defecate around the room like some impossible shit sprinkler; the father continuing to spin them around
and around on his still spasming penis like a demented jack-in-the-box. Shit, piss, cum; everything you can think of that the human body ejaculates throughout death was being spewed around our office and all over us like it was watering time in Beverly Hills.
Finally exhausted by the unbelievable physical outburst, the famliy collapsed upon themselves, writhing around in their own collective excretia as if their very lives depended upon it. As the crescendo of the song faded, the poor, exhausted dog slowly extricated himself off of the mother's dildo, only to take two tentative steps forward, puke
and then die at our feet.
Well...as you can imagine, we turned excitedly to the gentleman seated next to us and said, "Oh my god! That was incredible! What do you call these guys, the 'Aristocrats'?"
He looked shocked and shook his head and said, "No..."
"Then do you call them the 'Sophisticates'?" we nearly shouted.
He shook his head again distantly and said, "No...."
"Well, what do you call this act?" we demanded.
And he said, "Act...?"
That's the real story of the Aristocrats and in case you're wondering, it's true. Sarah Silverman really knows how to suck a mean throbbing cock.
